Spiritual Journey...oh so lonesome!(pt.1)
Updated: Dec 31, 2018
Well...what a way to start my first blog stating how lonely this spiritual path can be. Lol! If you're on this path then you know exactly what I mean and if not then lucky you my friend. I have been on this path since I was a child but I just didn't know yet. As a child, I always felt alone, different, the black sheep or even an outcast. What made it so "sweet", I was the step child. So yes, I experienced the unhealthy relationship of step Father/ step daughter dynamic of emotional and verbal backlash. My younger siblings definitely couldn't help the situation. Being sad on the inside but trying to be happy for others was the way I coped. Knowing there was a God helped me so much. As a younger adult, I dived into these spiritual books like no one's business. I remember reading about chakras and Sylvia Browne books. Knowing about God, angels, spiritual guides, psychics and anything that spoke about the spiritual world always called to me.
Now, I think about it, that was another part of my awakening. Well, I'm all grown up now and moved out of my parent's house so I thought I should feel free and life will be awesome...wrong! I still felt lonely even in some relationships I was in. I wasn't truly happy. It was always something missing so I dived into those self help books especially those self love books. However when you truly go deep within, cutting cords, forgiving those who have hurt you and etc sometimes these books are not enough. I was still searching for someone to unconditionally LOVE me. So relationships after relationships, I was searching outwardly instead of internally for love. I kept saying "hey, I'm a good woman so WTF." It was either I date a good guy but I wanted more like marriage and kids even though I wasn't in love or I loved him but I didn't know what I wanted and was skeptical of his love for me. Or I would date the guys who were not "my type" but felt the sense of neediness and longing.
I can go and on lol but let's get to the meaty topic. So when did I get to knowing I was on the deep spiritual path and encountering the self love aspect? Ahhhh... well I dated a NARCISSIST!
Stayed Tuned.... (read part 2)