Spiritual Journey...oh so lonesome (pt.2)
Updated: Jan 2, 2019
So I mentioned that I dated a Narcissist in part 1 and how that changed my life. At first glance, he was beautiful and definitely charming. Okay, here it comes, I'm going to say it..I thought he was the man of my dreams. We had so much in common, talked about everything, he was always present, he wanted marriage and kids blah blah blah so it's safe to say I pictured being his wife and living happily ever after..wrong! Reality kicked in and the arguments, manipulation, gas-lighting, and the triangulation all started. I didn't know what hit me. He would provoke arguments and blame me for it. I didn't know what gas-lighting was til I meet him. I would have valid explanations but that didn't mean sh** to him. He had to be right! (I'm smelling a pattern here hint: unhealthy father and daughter relationship but I didn't get it quick enough because I was "in love." So I thought and truly didn't know what love was..I guess, anyway.) I even had the sense he was cheating but of course I couldn't prove it. My intuition was always strong but unfortunately I always dismissed it due to always giving him the benefit of the doubt and love. Yeah, i know it was stupid but hey everything was a lesson and i learned a big one.
My siblings would tell me to open my eyes to see what he was doing and I would always feel so drained. Now, I've to say that when he was good he was so sweet, caring, attentive, and all that jazz but then out of no where the Jekyll and Hyde kicked in which always left me puzzled and saying WTF. Now, I noticed a pattern and I was getting ready to take action so in my head I gave the 3 strikes you're out rule. So at the end of our almost 2 years relationship and his 3rd strike happened, I decided to end it. Til this day, I never felt better. When you end a toxic relationship, seriously there will be a heavy weight lifting off your shoulders. Now, I was single but not alone again. There's a difference! You can feel alone in a relationship or be single and be happy with self. I rather take the latter.
I also noticed he mirrored my insecurities. I believe sometimes you attract people in where you are in life. I was often guarded and fearful of giving my heart fully. I was afraid of getting hurt. I now see that he felt the same way due to past relationships. We both had wounded hearts. Well, it was time for me to change that!
But who was I? I needed a change, direction, and guidance. So I called Tarot readers, mediums, highly intuitive people and physics. It's not an approach that everyone takes but it was mine by me being spiritual and all, lol. Well, no kidding, they all said the same thing that I was a healer...whoa! The Journey began!!!